Love Dare ~ Day 5 "Love is not rude"

Did you contact your person on Day 4? How was it received? This was hard for me as I have a very small window of time when they are either not with me or in a class, but I did and they seemed happy to hear from me!
Ok for the Parent/child teams, this will probably be the last day I will add the words in RED. You are probably getting used to changing your way of thinking if you are doing this journey with a child instead of a spouse. I may still add ideas here or there or make a suggestion on days where the Dare is really made for a "Husband and wife".

Day 5

Love is not rude

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.

—Proverbs 27:14

Nothing irritates others as quickly as being rude. Rudeness is unnecessarily saying or doing things that are unpleasant for another person to be around. To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. In marriage,(families) this could be a foul mouth, poor table manners, or a habit of making sarcastic quips. However you look at it, no one enjoys being around a rude person. Rude behavior may seem insignificant to the person doing it, but it’s unpleasant to those on the receiving end.

As always, love has something to say about this. When a man(child) is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that’s more pleasant for his wife(parent) to be around. If she desires to love him, she purposefully avoids things that frustrate him or cause him discomfort.

The bottom line is that genuine love minds its manners.

Embracing this one concept could add some fresh air to your marriage(family). Good manners express to your wife or husband(kid), “I value you enough to exercise some self-control around you. I want to be a person who’s a pleasure to be with.” When you allow love to change your behavior—even in the smallest of ways—you restore an atmosphere of honor to your relationship. People who practice good etiquette tend to raise the respect level of the environment around them.

For the most part, the etiquette you use at home is much different than the kind you employ with friends, or even with total strangers. You may be barking or pouting around the house, but if the front door chimes, you open it all smiling and kind. Yet if you dare to love, you’ll also want to give your best to your own. If you don’t let love motivate you to make needed changes in your behavior, the quality of your marriage relationship(family relationships) will suffer for it.

Women tend to be much better at certain types of manners than men, though they can be rude in other ways. King Solomon said, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife” (Proverbs 25:24 niv). But men especially need to learn this important lesson. The Bible says, “It is well with the man who is gracious” (Psalm 112:5). A man of discretion will find out what is appropriate, then adjust his behavior accordingly.

There are two main reasons why people are rude: ignorance and selfishness. Neither, of course, is a good thing. A child is born ignorant of etiquette, needing lots of help and training. Adults, however, display their ignorance at another level. You know the rules, but you can be blind to how you break them or be too self-centered to care. In fact, you may not realize how unpleasant you can be to live with.

Test yourself with these questions:

• How does your spouse(child) feel about the way you speak and act around them?

• How does your behavior affect your mate’s(child's) sense of worth and self-esteem?

• Would your husband or wife(teen) say you’re a blessing, or that you’re condescending and embarrassing?

If you’re thinking that your spouse(child)—not you—is the one who needs work in this area, you’re likely suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness. Remember, love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard.

Do you wish your spouse(child) would quit doing the things that bother you? Then it’s time to stop doing the things that bother them. Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behavior that causes life to be unpleasant for your mate(child)? Will you dare to be delightful?

Here are three guiding principles when it comes to practicing etiquette in your marriage(family):

1. Guard the Golden Rule. Treat your mate (child)the same way you want to be treated (see Luke 6:31).

2. No double standards. Be as considerate to your spouse(child) as you are to strangers and coworkers.

3. Honor requests. Consider what your husband or wife (child)already asked you to do or not do. If in doubt, then ask.

Today’s Dare

Ask your spouse (or child) to tell you three
things that cause him or her to be
uncomfortable or irritated with you. (Things that make them frustrated?)
You must do so without attacking them
or justifying your behavior. This is
from their perspective only. (Because we could all get better at things!)

-----------------------------

The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious. (Ecclesiastes 10:12)

Love Dare~Day 4 "Love is thoughtful"

I Found cookies at Walmart in the Valentines section that came in a tin can that said "I Love You". It was a perfect gift for day 3 and it only cost $1.00

How is everyone doing ? Are you finding it easy to say nothing negative? I am, because I feel accountable. 

If you have not done so great, don't quit, keep going, the reward is worth it!

Now on to Day 4 we go...

Day 4

Love is thoughtful

How precious also are Your thoughts to me. . . .
How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them,
they would outnumber the sand. —Psalm 139:17–18

Love thinks. It’s not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.

When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together. You honestly confessed, “I can’t stop thinking about you.” (You had similar thoughts when you first became a parent)

But for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. (or when kids get older) The wife finally has her man; the husband has his trophy. The hunt is over and the pursuing done. Sparks of romance slowly burn into grey embers, and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools. (especially nearing the teen years for parenting/child teams) You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your personal desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate.(child)

But the fact that marriage (being a parent) has added another person to your universe does not change. Therefore, if your thinking doesn’t mature enough to constantly include this person, you catch yourself being surprised rather than being thoughtful.

“Today’s our anniversary?” (Today's is your test that you needed help for?)

“Why didn’t you include me in that decision?”

“Don’t you ever think about anyone but yourself?”

If you don’t learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.

Let’s be honest. Men struggle with thoughtfulness more than women. A man can focus like a laser on one thing and forget the rest of the world. Whereas this can benefit him in that one arena, it can make him overlook other things that need his attention.

A woman, on the other hand, is more multi-conscious, able to maintain an amazing awareness of many factors at once. She can talk on the phone, cook, know where the kids are in the house, and wonder why her husband isn’t helping . . . all simultaneously. Adding to this, a woman also thinks relationally. When she works on something, she is cognizant of all the people who are somehow connected to it.

Both of these tendencies are examples of how God designed women to complete their men.(and be great mom's) As God said at creation, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). But these differences also create opportunities for misunderstanding.

Men, for example, tend to think in headlines and say exactly what they mean. Not much is needed to understand the message. His words are more literal and shouldn’t be overanalyzed. But women think and speak between the lines. They tend to hint. A man often has to listen for what is implied if he wants to get the full meaning.

If a couple doesn’t understand this about one another, the fallout can result in endless disagreements. He’s frustrated wondering why she speaks in riddles and doesn’t just come out and say things. She’s frustrated wondering why he’s so inconsiderate and doesn’t add two and two together and just figure it out. (That is something to think about when you have a son and they just dont seem to get what you are trying to say as a mom)

A woman (Parent) deeply longs for her husband(child) to be thoughtful. It is a key to helping her feel loved. When she speaks, a wise man will listen like a detective to discover the unspoken needs and desires her words imply. If, however, she always has to put the pieces together for him, it steals the opportunity for him to demonstrate that he loves her.

This also explains why women will get upset with their husbands without telling them why. In her mind she’s thinking, “I shouldn’t have to spell it out for him. He should be able to look at the situation and see what’s going on here.” At the same time, he’s grieved because he can’t read her mind and wonders why he’s being punished for a crime he didn’t know he committed.

Love requires thoughtfulness—on both sides—the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness, and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse (or child)uniquely thinks.

A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken messages. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another.

But too often you become angry and frustrated instead, following the destructive pattern of “ready, shoot, aim.” You speak harshly now and determine later if you should have said it. But the thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. Love thinks before speaking.!!!! It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness.

When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse( or child)? What immediate need can you meet? What’s the next event (anniversary, birthday, holiday) you could be preparing for? Great marriages(families) come from great thinking.

Today’s Dare

Contact your spouse(child) sometime during
the business of the day. Have no agenda
other than asking how he or she
is doing and if there is anything
you could do for them.

-------------------------------------------

 I thank my God in all my remembrance of you. (Philippians 1:3)

____Check here when you have completed today's dare

What did you learn about yourself or your spouse (child) by doing this today?

How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?

Love Dare~ Day 3 "Love is Not Selfish"

Well, how did day 2 go? There are still a few hours left if you have not done that "act of kindness for no reason at all". I have learned that doing an act of kindness is a lot easier if everyone is having a good day. When there are issues between a husband and wife or parent and child then no one is in a big rush to be extra kind. But truly this is where we can make breakthroughs. 

Day 3 may be one of the easiest days for the parent/child teams. When you became a parent you gave up all of your selfish ways. We'll most parents do. But there are a lot of parents out there who will put their own selfish wants before their children's needs. Not only neglecting them but teaching and showing them that they are not as important as other things like drugs, alcohol, etc..
If today comes extremely easy for you then pray for the child who is left alone, while his or her parent is out seeking the next high. Then pray for that parent too.

Day 3

Love is not selfish

 Be devoted to one another in brotherly love;
give preference to one another in honor. —Romans 12:10

We live in a world that is enamored with “self.” The culture around us teaches us to focus on our appearance, feelings, and personal desires as the top priority. The goal, it seems, is to chase the highest level of happiness possible. The danger from this kind of thinking, however, becomes painfully apparent once inside a marriage relationship(family).

If there were ever a word that basically means the opposite of love, it is selfishness.Unfortunately it is something that is ingrained into every person from birth. You can see it in the way young children act, and often in the way adults mistreat one another. Almost every sinful action ever committed can be traced back to a selfish motive. It is a trait we hate in other people but justify in ourselves. Yet you cannot point out the many ways your spouse(child) is selfish without admitting that you can be selfish too. That would be hypocritical.

Why do we have such low standards for ourselves but high expectations for our mate(children)? The answer is a painful pill to swallow. We are all selfish.

When a husband(parent) puts his interests, desires, and priorities in front of his wife(children), that’s a sign of selfishness. When a wife(parent) constantly complains about the time and energy she spends meeting the needs of her husband(child), that’s a sign of selfishness. But love “does not seek its own” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Loving couples(parents)—the ones who are enjoying the full purpose of marriage(family)—are bent on taking good care of the other flawed human(Children) they get to share life with. That’s because true love looks for ways to say “yes.”

One ironic aspect of selfishness is that even generous actions can be selfish if the motive is to gain bragging rights or receive a reward. If you do even a good thing to deceitfully manipulate your husband or wife(child), you are still being selfish. The bottom line is that you either make decisions out of love for others or love for yourself.

Love is never satisfied except in the welfare of others. You can’t be acting out of real love and selfishness at the same time. Choosing to love your mate(child) will cause you to say “no” to what you want so you can say “yes” to what they need. That’s putting the happiness of your partner (child)above your own. It doesn’t mean you can never experience happiness, but you don’t negate the happiness of your spouse (child)so you can enjoy it yourself.

Love also leads to inner joy. When you prioritize the well-being of your mate(child), there is a resulting fulfillment that cannot be duplicated by selfish actions. This is a benefit that God created and reserves for those who genuinely demonstrate love. The truth is, when you relinquish your rights for the sake of your mate(child), you get a chance to lose yourself to the greater purpose of marriage(parenthood).

Nobody knows you as well as your spouse.(Your child knows you pretty well) And that means no one will be quicker(they will be pretty quick) to recognize a change when you deliberately start sacrificing your wants and wishes to make sure his or her needs are met.

If you find it hard to sacrifice your own desires to benefit your spouse(child), then you may have a deeper problem with selfishness than you want to admit.

Ask yourself these questions:

• Do I truly want what’s best for my husband or wife(child)?

• Do I want them to feel loved by me?

• Do they believe I have their best interests in mind?

• Do they see me as looking out for myself first?

Whether you like it or not, you have a reputation in the eyes of those around you, especially in the eyes of your spouse(child). But is it a loving reputation? Remember, your marriage partner (child) also has the challenge of loving a selfish person. So determine to be the first to demonstrate real love to them, with your eyes wide open. And when all is said and done, you’ll both be more fulfilled.

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

Today’s Dare

 Whatever you put your time, energy, and
money into will become more important
to you. It’s hard to care for something
you are not investing in. Along with
restraining from negative comments,
buy your spouse(child) something that says,

“I was thinking of you today.”

______check here when you have completed today's dare
What did you choose as the gift for your spouse(child)?
What happened when you gave it to them?
What was their response?

Love Dare~ Day 2 "Love is Kind"

How did you do on Day 1? 
I don't know about you but it was really easy for me today! 
It wouldn't have been so easy had we started the day before because we had a really rough day. 
I don't think I would have made it! I guess God knew when we should start. 
I am not sure why I did so good today? Was it because today was just a good day for all of us?(it happens 4 out of 7)
Or perhaps it was because I feel like I am being held accountable by this dare and others doing it?
If that is the case, then perhaps we should do the "365 day Love Dare" to be accountable all year : ) 

Something else I thought about as I went about my day today being patient to all 3 of my kids:
I am doing this to them right now without them knowing right? Yes! 
Why not, after its over, start again, only this time read it to them and see if they can live it out with each other. Strengthen their relationships with each other.  That might be the next journey ya'll!

Reminder: For a few more days, I am adding in RED for people working on their children. 
Once you get in the mindset of changing the wording then I will stop.

Day 2

Love is kind

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, 

just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.  Ephesians 4:32

Kindness is love in action. If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance. Patience avoids a problem; kindness creates a blessing. One is preventive, the other proactive. These two sides of love are the cornerstones on which many of the other attributes we will discuss are built.

Love makes you kind. And kindness makes you likeable. When you’re kind, people want to be around you. They see you as being good to them and good for them.

The Bible keys in on the importance of kindness: “Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man” (Proverbs 3:3–4). Kind people simply find favor wherever they go. Even at home. But “kindness” can feel a little generic when you try defining it, much less living it. So let’s break kindness down into four basic core ingredients:

Gentleness. When you’re operating from kindness, you’re careful how you treat your spouse/child , never being unnecessarily harsh. You’re sensitive. Tender. Even if you need to say hard things, you’ll bend over backwards to make your rebuke or challenge as easy to hear as possible. You speak the truth in love.

Helpfulness. Being kind means you meet the needs of the moment. If it’s housework, you get busy. A listening ear? You give it. Kindness graces a wife(Parent) with the ability to serve(help) her husband(child with anything.) without worrying about her rights. Kindness makes a husband(Parent) curious to discover what his wife(child) needs, then motivates him to be the one who steps up and ensures those needs are met—even if his are put on hold.

Willingness. Kindness inspires you to be agreeable. Instead of being obstinate, reluctant, or stubborn, you cooperate, you stay flexible. Rather than complaining and making excuses, you look for reasons to compromise and accommodate. A kind husband(parent) ends thousands of potential arguments by his willingness to listen first rather than demand his way.

Initiative. Kindness thinks ahead, then takes the first step. It doesn’t sit around waiting to be prompted or coerced before getting off the couch. The kind husband or wife(Parent) will be the one who greets first, smiles first, serves first, and forgives first. They don’t require the other to get his or her act together before showing love. When acting from kindness, you see the need, then make your move. First.

Jesus creatively described the kindness of love in His parable of the Good Samaritan, found in the Bible—Luke, chapter 10. A Jewish man attacked by robbers is left for dead on a remote road. Two religious leaders, respected among their people, walk by without choosing to stop. Too busy. Too important. Too fond of clean hands. But a common man of another race—the hated Samaritans, whose dislike for the Jews was both bitter and mutual—sees this stranger in need and is moved with compassion. Crossing all cultural boundaries and risking ridicule, he stops to help the man. Bandaging his wounds and putting him on his own donkey, he carries him to safety and pays all his medical expenses out of his own pocket.

Where years of racism had caused strife and division, one act of kindness brought two enemies together. Gently. Helpfully. Willingly. Taking the initiative, this man demonstrated true kindness in every way.

Wasn’t kindness one of the key things that drew you and your spouse together in the first place?(Replace last sentence with~ Aren't your best days the ones when you have shown the most kindness and your worst days when you had neglected kindness? ) When you married(became a Parent), weren’t you expecting to enjoy his or her kindness for the rest of your life? Didn’t your mate(child) feel the same way about you? Even though the years can take the edge off that desire, your enjoyment in marriage(Parent/child relationship) is still linked to the daily level of kindness expressed.

The Bible describes a woman whose husband and children bless and praise her. Among her noble attributes are these: “She opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26). How about you? How would your husband or wife (child)describe you on the kindness meter? How harsh are you? How gentle and helpful? Do you wait to be asked, or do you take the initiative to help? Don’t wait for your spouse(child) to be kind first.

It is difficult to demonstrate love when you feel little to no motivation. But love in its truest sense is not based on feelings. Rather, love determines to show thoughtful actions even when there seems to be no reward. You will never learn to love until you learn to demonstrate kindness.

Today’s Dare 

In addition to saying nothing 
negative to your spouse(child) again today, 
do at least one unexpected gesture 
as an act of kindness.  

What is desirable in a man is his kindness. (Proverbs 19:22)

_____ check here when you have completed this dare

What discoveries about love did you make today?

What specifically did you do in this dare?

How did you show kindness? 

How can you make this a daily habit?

Love Dare~ Day 1 "Love is Patient"

Ok, Let's get started since I will have to post at night you will likely start these the next day like me. And If you wanted to do this with a spouse this is a perfect time as well. I will add  the words child, son, daughter etc.. in RED next to where it said husband, wife, marriage etc... for a few days just to get you in the mindset of strengthening your parent/child relationship but if you are working on a spouse than ignore the red. Eventually I wont add the RED you will just mentally do that ok? I am doing this with my children. 

Just to backtrack a bit I did this a few years ago with one child and I felt it that it had a great effect on both of us. So I want to do it again but with all 3 kids just to keep working at our relationship anyway I can. We get comfortable and forget things that are important and this journey is a great reminder. Feel free to join us or look back on days you miss. If I do not post one day then go back and do your favorite day again. In fact there are days that we will do twice because they need more than one day. 

Ok, here we go...enjoy the journey

Day 1

Love is patient

 Be completely humble and gentle; be patient,
bearing with one another in love. —Ephesians 4:2 NIV

Love works. It is life’s most powerful motivator and has far greater depth and meaning than most people realize. It always does what is best for others and can empower us to face the greatest of problems. We are born with a lifelong thirst for love. Our hearts desperately need it like our lungs need oxygen. Love changes our motivation for living. Relationships become meaningful with it. No marriage (or parent/child relationship) is successful without it.

Love is built on two pillars that best define what it is. Those pillars are patience and kindness. All other characteristics of love are extensions of these two attributes. And that’s where your dare will begin. 

With patience.

Love will inspire you to become a patient person. When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation. You are slow to anger. You choose to have a long fuse instead of a quick temper. Rather than being restless and demanding, love helps you settle down and begin extending mercy to those around you. Patience brings an internal calm during an external storm.

No one likes to be around an impatient person. It causes you to overreact in angry, foolish, and regrettable ways. The irony of anger toward a wrongful action is that it spawns new wrongs of its own. Anger almost never makes things better. In fact, it usually generates additional problems. But patience stops problems in their tracks. More than biting your lip, more than clapping a hand over your mouth, patience is a deep breath. It clears the air. It stops foolishness from whipping its scorpion tail all over the room. It is a choice to control your emotions rather than allowing your emotions to control you, and shows discretion instead of returning evil for evil.

If your spouse (child) offends you, do you quickly retaliate, or do you stay under control? Do you find that anger is your emotional default when treated unfairly? If so, you are spreading poison rather than medicine.

Anger is usually caused when the strong desire for something is mixed with disappointment or grief. You don’t get what you want and you start heating up inside. It is often an emotional reaction that flows out of our own selfishness, foolishness, or evil motives.

Patience, however, makes us wise. It doesn’t rush to judgment but listens to what the other person is saying. Patience stands in the doorway where anger is clawing to burst in, but waits to see the whole picture before passing judgment. The Bible says, “He who is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who is quick-tempered exalts folly” (Proverbs 14:29).

As sure as a lack of patience will turn your home into a war zone, the practice of patience will foster peace and quiet. “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but the slow to anger calms a dispute” (Proverbs 15:18). Statements like these from the Bible book of Proverbs are clear principles with timeless relevance. Patience is where love meets wisdom. And every marriage (parent/child relationship) needs that combination to stay healthy.

Patience helps you give your spouse (child) permission to be human. It understands that everyone fails. When a mistake is made, it chooses to give them more time than they deserve to correct it. It gives you the ability to hold on during the tough times in your relationship rather than bailing out under the pressure.

But can your spouse(child) count on having a patient wife(mom) or husband(dad) to deal with? Can she know that locking her keys in the car will be met by your understanding rather than a demeaning lecture that makes her feel like a child? Can he know that cheering during the last seconds of a football game won’t invite a loud-mouthed laundry list of ways he should be spending his time? It turns out that few people are as hard to live with as an impatient person.

What would the tone and volume of your home be like if you tried this biblical approach: “See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another” (1 Thessalonians 5:15).

Few of us do patience very well, and none of us do it naturally. But wise men and women will pursue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage(Parent/child) relationships. That’s a good starting point to demonstrate true love.

This Love Dare journey is a process, and the first thing you must resolve to possess is patience. Think of it as a marathon, not a sprint. But it’s a race worth running.

Today's Dare

The first part of this dare is fairly 
simple. Although love is communicated
in a number of ways, our words often
reflect the condition of our heart. For
the next day, resolve to demonstrate
patience and to say nothing negative
to your spouse (CHILD) at all. 

If the temptation
arises, choose not to say anything. It’s

better to hold your tongue than to say 
something you’ll regret.

________________________________________

At the end of each day keep a journal if you do not have the book.

This is what you will write:

-------Check here if you have completed today's dare

Did anything happen today to cause anger towards your spouse (child)?

Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words?

How did you handle that?

You remember "The Love Dare"? Let's do it again!

The Love dare is the 40 day book from the movie "Fireproof". Originally written to strengthen or repair  marriages it can also be a great tool to strengthen the relationship between a parent and a child.  Yes, if you have already read the book then you know that there are obvious days that really are for the husband and wife only. For those days, it is easy to come up with a different dare or on many occasions when I did this two years ago I found that I could redo one of the "really good" days that affected both of us. 
Last time I did this I only did it with Hayden. This time I am going to attempt it with all 3, we'll see how I do but I am going to try. 
If you would like to join me on this 40ish day journey you may do so, I will update the blog with the highlights of the story of the day, scriptures and the dare and if you don't have the book it's ok I would suggest getting one but you can just use a notebook and write down the outcomes and things that you need to.
We will start Day 1 tomorrow, Sunday, the 20th of January. 
If I happen to miss a day don't worry or send me hate mail, life can get a little crazy for me sometimes. Many of these dares can use more than one day but I will try not to miss one if I can.
Keep in mind where it says: husband, wife, spouse, you will mentally insert (daughter, son, my child)
Where it mentions marriage relationships you are replacing it with parent/child relationships. You get the idea! If not that's just ok too, you will figure it out after a few days.

The Love Dare:

Receive this as a warning.

This forty day journey cannot
be taken lightly. 

 It is a challenging and often
difficult process, but an incredibly
fulfilling one. To take this dare
requires a resolute mind and a
steadfast determination.

It is not meant to be sampled or briefly
tested, and those who quit early will
forfeit the greatest benefits. If you
will commit to a day at a time for forty
days, the results could change your
life and your marriage. ( or your relationship with your child)-This is what I mean by mentally changing it in your head. Kel

Consider it a dare, from others
who have done it before you.

THE SCRIPTURES SAY that God designed and created marriage as a good thing. It is a beautiful, priceless gift. He uses marriage to help us eliminate loneliness, multiply our effectiveness, establish families, raise children, enjoy life, and bless us with relational intimacy. But beyond this, marriage also shows us our need to grow and deal with our own issues and self-centeredness through the help of a lifelong partner. If we are teachable, we will learn to do the one thing that is most important in marriage—to love. This powerful union provides the path for you to learn how to love another imperfect person unconditionally. It is wonderful. It is difficult. It is life changing.

This book is about love. It’s about learning and daring to live a life filled with loving relationships. And this journey begins with the person who is closest to you: your spouse. May God bless you as you begin this adventure.

But be sure of this: it will take courage. If you accept this dare, you must take the view that instead of following your heart, you are choosing to lead it. The world says to follow your heart, but if you are not leading it, then someone or something else is. The Bible says that “the heart is more deceitful than all else” (Jeremiah 17:9), and it will always pursue that which feels right at the moment.

We dare you to think differently—choosing instead to lead your heart toward that which is best in the long run. This is a key to lasting, fulfilling relationships.

The Love Dare journey is not a process of trying to change your spouse to be the person you want them to be. You’ve no doubt already discovered that efforts to change your husband or wife have ended in failure and frustration. Rather, this is a journey of exploring and demonstrating genuine love, even when your desire is dry and your motives are low. The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational. And when love is truly demonstrated as it was intended, your relationship is more likely to change for the better.

Each day of this journey will contain three very important elements:

First, a unique aspect of love will be discussed. Read each of these carefully and be open to a new understanding of what it means to genuinely love someone.

Second, you will be given a specific dare to do for your spouse. Some will be easy and some very challenging. But take each dare seriously, and be creative and courageous enough to attempt it. Don’t be discouraged if outside situations prevent you from accomplishing a specific dare. Just pick back up as soon as you can and proceed with the journey.

Last, you will be given journal space to log what you are learning and doing and how your spouse is responding. It is important that you take advantage of this space to capture what is happening to both you and your mate along the way. These notes will record your progress and should become priceless to you in the future.

Remember, you have the responsibility to protect and guide your heart. Don’t give up and don’t get discouraged. Resolve to lead your heart and to make it through to the end. Learning to truly love is one of the most important things you will ever do.

Now these three remain:
faith, hope, and love.
But the greatest of these is love

1 Corinthians 13:13

If I speak with the tongues of men and
of angels, but do not have love, I have
become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

If I have the gift of prophecy,
and know all mysteries and all
knowledge; and if I have all faith,
so as to remove mountains,
but do not have love, I am nothing.

And if I give all my possessions to
feed the poor, and if I surrender my
body to be burned, but do not have love, it profits me nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:1–3

Ok, I will see you tomorrow for Day 1, Kel

Is anyone missing their grocery list?

Because it isn't mine!

It's Season 2 of Child Hoarders on the East Coast

I told him to go eat some lunch,
then Tavey & I got busy quick while he was gone.

We found 52 of these little pencils!

We stopped counting rocks at 70 and pieces of just plain garbage has to be in the hundreds!
I am not being sarcastic, it is garbage, like a strangers grocery list, candy wrappers, popped balloon pieces, sticker backs and BROKEN ANYTHINGS.
Now there is a big difference between a filthy dirty room with garbage all over, and garbage that is kept in boxes and bins and behind things.

We heard him coming and quickly closed our lawn sized garbage bag that was half full.
 (Keep in mind we do this quarterly)
He stood in the doorway and I quickly sensed his nervousness. Half of it was wondering what was already gone and the other half was not wanting to help with what looked like a tornado at that point.
I handed him a bunch of old coins that I found in one of his "spots" and told him to put them back in my can where he got them from, and while he was doing that he could look at all the other ones.
 That kept him busy for an hour and we really cleared some junk out of there.
The bag was full!
 I don't know where it all comes from, especially since we do this regularly now.
I will say that I felt a sense of weight lifted from him when he came back in there.
Almost as if he was saying "This feels so much better"
But I know it will only be a matter of time before I am wondering where the wood disappeared to on his dresser underneath the little boxes and tins and things.
And then I will be pulling out stuff that is shoved behind his bed, in his closet and any other place he can find to store stuff.

So why does it bother me?
Hmmm....
1. I have some OCD tendencies myself and cannot stand it!
2. I have a very small house, his room is the smallest and there is no room for, well garbage!
3. I fear or I should say I know that this is not just "being a boy and collecting rocks kind of thing"
4. I owe it to his future wife to try and get this under control.

Now, in the same breath and I have said it before:
I love how this kid loves so many things and finds beauty in what you and I do not.  Pieces of paper, leaves and rocks, all have memories attached to them.
We just have to try and start narrowing down 75 rocks to one or two I think.
Until then the rest are in the driveway : )
I love this kid so much! The biggest reason is because he loves me so much!
And if he never changes, that's just ok too!
I will just keep cleaning his room when he is 40 : )
Now if he starts collecting cats, bats, birds, rats, snakes, bugs or candy corn, then all bets are off...

"An anxious heart weighs a man down,
but a kind word cheers him up."
Proverbs 12:25